Soccer is a socialist sport.Because apparently the orgy of capitalist consumption surrounding it is a sure sign that the participants seek to abolish private property.
Soccer is the only sport in the world where you cannot use the one tool that distinguishes man from beast: opposable thumbs.You're an idiot.
“No hands” is a rule only a European statist could love. (In fact, with the web of high taxes and regulations that tie the hands of European entrepreneurs, “no hands” kind of describes their economic theories as well.)You're a moron. Also: every sport has weird artificial limitations on what you can and can't do.
Soccer is also the only sport in the world that has “hooligans”—proletarian mobs that trash private property whenever their team loses.Proletarians. Really. This from the people who perpetuate the liberals = elitists meme. And btw most of the rioting that I've seen comes after victories, not defeats.
Soccer is collectivist. At this year’s World Cup, the French national team actually went on strike in the middle of the tournament on the eve of an elimination matchDo tell.
At the youth level, soccer teams don’t even keep score and everyone gets a participation trophy. Can you say, “From each according to his ability…”? (The fact that they do keep score later on is the only thing that prevents soccer from being a Communist sport.)I've played youth soccer. Not only is this statement an epically stupid non-sequitur, it's also a lie.
Capitalist sports are exciting—people often hit each other, sometimes even score.Remember what we've been saying, kids: capitalism = violence.
Contrast this with the most exciting sports moment last week, which came not at the World Cup, but at Wimbledon, when American John Isner won in a fifth-set victory that went 70-68.Unprecedented world records are more interesting than quarterfinals. Who knew?
Like an overcast day in East Berlin, soccer is … boring.Vivid analogy there, Hemingway. Though it's the one true thing he's said that watching a bunch of grown men chase a ball around is really, really boring. Not as boring as American football--where you get to watch a bunch of namby-pamby's strap on twenty pounds of armor so they don't break a nail playing a sissified version of rugby and then stretch sixty minutes of playtime into three hours of looking at each other while squatting--but still really boring.
The article concludes by linking over to a sister piece at the American Stinker which is equally stupid, dishonest, and ignorant of everything from biology to international sports.
So, to all of you over at the American Stinker, to all of you at the American Enterprise Institute who publish this tripe, and especially to you, Marc Thiessen, my hat is off. Even in these idiotic times, idiots of your caliber are in short supply.